So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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