You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
