Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize