I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
