Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
