Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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