so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
