i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
