you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
