when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
