Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
