So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
