i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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