you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
