I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
