i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize