i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
