I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
