The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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