Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
