I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
