Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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