nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
