just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
