C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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