Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize