I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
