i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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