That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ugly people sure do ruin things
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
