Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
