oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
