Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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