her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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