Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
