I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
