I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
