i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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