where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sext me about skeletons
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
