I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
