I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
