Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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