I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
