i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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