tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
