I wish I could punch you in the face.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
pop tarts are not kleenex
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
