i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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