READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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