i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
