At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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