Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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