I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
