oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
