and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
