A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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