My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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