I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
