She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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