I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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