i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
