its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
