Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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