weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
