did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
