i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
