At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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