This is not my ceiling
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
