She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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