i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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