he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
