I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
