i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
