Don't you send me to vm
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
