I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
