I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
