So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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