there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The air was thick with penises
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
