just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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