i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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