walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
