Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize