Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
