Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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