You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
