I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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